Move along nothing to see

I had thought about learning to dive while on a cruise in 1991, I had a trydive in the ships pool and my first experience of what I know now to be open water was during a stop on Grand Caymen. When I think back it was probably a very shallow dive but that didn’t matter.

I then didn’t do anything until a local club conducted a trydive session at my gym and I signed up, I was hooked I signed up for training that very night. I couldn’t wait, I went out and bought my mask, snorkel and pool fins and even bought a casio diving watch - I was ready to go. January couldn’t come round soon enough. We all arrived at the pool ready for our first session, we were introduced to the kit we would be using and issued with a 12ltr cylinder, a Buddy Commando BC and US divers regs.

My first sea dives were in the Farnes where I had a little incident, I think I was so excited about the dive I forgot to equalise my mask and the resulting very blown eyes were the result.

During the summer I was having a few problems with my knees so I decided to have them sorted, this put pay to anymore diving for the rest of the year, so it took me until the following February to qualify to what was then BSAC Novice 11.

Since then I have furthered my training through to BSAC Advanced diver and CI, I have recently gained my OWI. In 1997 I did the IANTD Advanced Nitrox course and I followed this in 1999 with a IANTD Gas Blender qualification.

In 2006 everything changed and my diving took a different direction, in 2007 I took my GUE Fundamentals class and in the September I upgraded to a Tech pass.

Yesterday I travelled down to the London dive show, not because I wanted dive kit but because I wanted to listen to a talk by Jarrod Jablonski give a talk on his recent world record cave dive with fellow WKPP member Casey Mckinley. Jarrod - CEO of GUE had attended the DIRx weekend last October but I had been unable to attend because I was away on holiday. So when I heard he was attending the dive show I decided to trek down and make a day of it, obviously it was great to meet up with friends and talk about diving, which right now is all I seem to want to do. Jarrod talked about their 26 hour dive which is about far removed from my own diving as you can get, right now the prospect of spending 26 minutes in the water is daunting.

It is almost 12 months since I took my GUE fundamentals course and I have written about those experiences before, it is also almost 12 months since I was made redundant from a company where I had been for 12 years and ended almost 28 years of continuous employment, I decided I would relax during the summer and get in as much diving in as possible which didn’t really happen, the week day diving was now in the deeper depths and although I have been diving for 13 years I was now happier in the shallows learning and developing my new GUE skills, so the last 12 months have meant hours of diving inland sites with only a couple of ventures in to the sea.

In October I went on what was billed as the holiday of a lifetime, 16 of us headed for the Galapagos, we had spent two years saving and looking forward to it, in the end the holiday just didn’t press the right buttons for me and I really can’t explain why. I fell back to the old style of diving, ignoring everything about the importance of the team and minimum gas management I had learnt on my course, although I was able to dive the “right” gas that was about it, the dives were about spending as much time in “solo mode” and minimum gas on a couple of dives really did mean minimum gas.

When I came back I was able to do my fundies upgrade dive, I was very happy with the dive probably because I didn’t know it was happening, Clare Gledhill my instructor is very good at working out what is best for the student and not knowing something is going to happen is certainly the best way for me and I have since learned it is a trick she uses on other students. Since then I really haven’t been in the water that much which is probably due to financial constraints and also because I am not used to diving over the winter and really need to sort some different thermal protection out, as I haven’t found anything which works. This is where the frustrations have begun poor thermal protection means I am adding more gas than I should to the suit which then makes gas migration more difficult to manage, therefore the cycle of felling uncomfortable in the water begins.

I have become so frustrated with diving I just don’t want to do the one thing I need to do and that is to practice, a few weeks ago I was supposed to be diving at another get together, the alarm went off at 3am and for the first time I looked at the clock and decided not to dive, I tossed and turned for the next couple of hours and because I had arranged to meet someone I had to go anyway, I arrived and spent the day in the freezing cold talking and then we headed back to Gareth’s house for an evening of talking about more diving. We headed back to Vobster on the Sunday morning and I handed over the torch I was selling, and after a couple of hours of standing around I headed off back home, so 400 miles, 8 hours in the car and I had achieved nothing.

So what next? I took a decision last week, which will either be the right one or financially very silly, I have sold both my Faber twin sets, because I am sure these are adding to my problems if it turns out these were not the problem then I have just wasted quite a lot of money. I wasn’t sure when I was going to dive next, not having any cylinders makes life a little more difficult. I have been lucky enough to have received some kind offers of borrowing a set and going diving, once I have decided what is going to work then I will work out what I am going to do, if that means spending more money on yet another twin set then so be it, if it doesn’t come together I don’t know what I will do, because the thought of giving up something I have enjoyed for a number of years doesn’t bare thinking about, more importantly the friends I have made I don’t want to contemplate loosing. Just writing this upsets me to even think about it. I spoke to Richard Walker yesterday as he has been spending some time working overseas, but he is coming back to the UK soon and I don’t have the time to organise anything in the next couple of weeks, but this would have been just what I needed, to get away and spend sometime practicing my skills, so I can either do some training dives with an instructor in the UK or maybe what I need to do is find an overseas one – right now 5 days of practice would be great, until then Alastair and Clare have said I can join them next weekend for a dive – apparently no one is judging me, I just need to believe it.

It was almost exactly 12 months ago when I sat in on a GUE fundamentals class and then got in the water with Clare. The dive was awful, frankly I was embarrassed at my lack of “ease” in the water, Clare was effortless and I was a shambles.

Over the following months, I got to dive with some experienced divers who seemed to be more than willing to take a Muppet like me diving. I did my GUE-F course with Clare in April and continued with my “diver education” over the next few months. Some skills were a struggle and I still hadn’t cracked the valve drill with any degree of slickness.

Around July/August I decided to bite the bullet and buy a new dry suit, which Clare arranged for me, I went for the fitting and she ticked all the options boxes. When the suit arrived I felt much better about myself, surprising what a new bit of kit will do. So I had a couple of dives in it before my holiday, some time ago I had offered to be Clare’s surface support on a forthcoming GUE-F course at Capernwray Quarry in Lancashire, we had made a tentative arrangement to do my upgrade dive at the end of the course, subject to time.

I didn’t have much time to practice in the new suit, so last week I picked up a diving day with Mark Emery at Stoney, he hadn’t been in the water for a while and when I volunteered to buddy him he accepted. The dives went quite well, the first not so good but for me the got better. So I was quite happy that I would be able to give it my best shot if the opportunity for a dive arose.

I headed up to Capernwray on Friday, arriving just as the guys were all finishing lunch, so they were soon off for their first dive of the day having spent the morning doing the kit set up. After their dives we headed back to Capernwray House where they were staying for another lecture and video de-brief, then headed off to the accommodation which had originally been booked for another candidate who couldn’t attend and I got his room, we also had a nice dinner there, although it was probably a bit late in the day for me to be eating and I didn’t do justice to my shoulder of lamb.

I met up with the guys again on Saturday morning at Cap. House and they were doing valve drills and S-drills in the car park, as my kit was set up, Rob used mine as their sets were at Capernwray being filled. After their first dive, I was ready to go and had a short dive with Garf, we descended and ran through valve drills and S-drills and a rather nice ascent – if I may say so myself. After their second dive if was back again to the B&B for another lecture and de-brief, then out again and as the food had been good the night before we headed back to the Kings Arms at Burton in Kendal for more food.

I woke up on Sunday morning feeling rather delicate, was I nervous about my potential dive – I don’t know, but I really wasn’t feeling 100%. Rob and Marty worked through their exam and then went in for their dive; this dive is for practicing something you need to have another go at. Clare’s suit had been leaking throughout the weekend and she looked really cold when she finished the dive, so a combination of this and me not feeling very well, I asked if we could leave me dive for maybe next week at Guildy. Clare agreed and we would see how we both felt after the dive.

Clare had asked me to play “3 man” as there were only 2 of them on the course; I hoped I wouldn’t let them down, as it was their course. Clare said it would be fine. We got kitted up and entered the water from the beach area, Marty was number 1 and ran through the GUEedge and Rob was number 2, they had put me at number 3, which was where Clare had thought they would put me, this was because I would probably end up being snaffled during the dive to make sure they were watching the lights. We descended and ran through valve drills, I was quite pleased with mine which made a nice start, we then ran S-drills round the team and then started the “dive”, I was immediately stopped round the platform and within a few fin strokes Rob signalled Marty and they both turned to see me hiding being the platform legs, OK probably not hiding that well. A few failures later, I won’t go into too much detail, as it wasn’t my course or dive; I’ll leave the guys to post a report. At the end of the dive, Rob and Marty as gas sharing so that leaves me to put the smb up, which goes quite nicely, just as I have finished putting it up but before I have chance to clip off a double ender, I see Garf coming at me OOG, so I donate to him and we ascend – sorry Garf it could have been a bit slower, I had developed cramp at the bottom and was trying to cope with it even before the bag went up, so I wasn’t having the best of times – lesson learnt eat more than a chocolate brownie even if you aren’t feeling well.

On the surface I am gathering myself when Clare comes over and tells me I have just upgrading my Rec pass, I don’t quite understand at the time as I didn’t even know it was happening. I don’t have time to feel pleased with myself as I am immediately told to “get back down and help the boys get theirs”.

Back on the surface I am told my smb was text book, I guess watching Clare’s video must have helped then. Please don’t knock me for feeling more than a little pleased with myself - it has been tough.

I have recently returned for a lovely week in Cornwall. My friends Lou and Caroline moved down at the beginning of the year and were renting a house before finding somewhere permanent to live. In July they moved in to their new home in a lovely little village not too far from Truro. I haven’t been working since the end of April so I was invited to stay for a few days.

I travelled down and the next day Caroline was off work and we had a “ladies who lunch” day, after taking cylinders in to the dive shop for fills as we were diving that evening. Dive kit sorted and Lou arrived home and we set off for Falmouth Marina, I don’t think Gary of DiveAction could have had a mooring further away and it was a hike just to get the kit on the boat made even worse by having to return the marina trolley’s to their home by the marina building, why is it always low water when loading boats.

We had a nice run out and chatted to people I had heard of on the forums but never met before, we kitted up and jumped in and down to the reef, it was a drift dive and unfortunately during the dive my smb must have caught on something and I had to let go – I was not a happy bunny. Thank heavens when we got back to the marina some trolleys had been left and we were able to get the kit off in one go and best of all the pontoon was now higher and flat. We had a pint of Doombar in the yacht club bar, there was a party going on and a lovely local choir was singing traditional songs.

Saturday morning and we headed off for a shore dive at a spot I was assured was a lovely bay. After walking out about 100m and still only being knee deep Lou called the “dive” Caroline had already given up and was almost back at the slipway. Lou and I couldn’t see our feet in the sandy water and I fell over only to emerge looking like a sea monster covered in green seaweed. We packed up and went off to Padstow for pasties and ice cream, Lou and Caroline bought a lovely painting from a small gallery and we headed home.

I had been to Cornwall last year during a dive trip to Porthkerris and had thought I would take a trip to the Eden Project but didn’t get round to it, so I had planned to go this time while Lou and Caroline were at work, but lucky for me they decided we should go on Sunday and we had a cracking day, the weather forecast wasn’t good for the afternoon, but it was glorious all day. Cornwall seems to be one long round of beer and pasties which were great, Caroline had a go on the zip wire and Lou and I watched, claiming dodgy knees. The afternoon was finished off in the little village of Porthleven obviously with yet another pint of Doombar.

Monday and Caroline and I had another “ladies who lunch” day as Caroline had some errands in Truro and we took the tanks back in for fills. Walking round in the sun we just had to have an ice cream – well you have to don’t you. Tuesday wasn’t a good day and it started raining in the morning so I planned to go to the National Seal Sanctuary at Qweek, not a particularly great place to visit but I suspect that might have been because there were no little seals and just the older ones who live there all the time. I had promised myself a trip to Roskillies so headed of for lunch of pasty followed by ice cream; you see there is a pattern here, I just had to buy some take home packs – it would have been rude not to. Lou’s Mum and Dad, Brother and his girlfriend came round on Wednesday evening and we had a lovely BBQ, it was almost time for me to leave I had diving plans that weekend but I had a great time and hopefully didn’t outstay my welcome. It was great to see Lou and Caroline again it had been too long but hopefully our next meeting will not be too long off.

Yeh right, Saturday started with a few more lectures and then out in to the farm yard to set up our BP and harnesses, apparently mine is a little loose and is tightened up a bit, OK this is all becoming a bit of a blur so might not actually be in the right order. It’s time to go diving so we pack up and are off down to Vobster, the place is packed as they have a MCS charity event going on, but having booked a parking space I manage to park near the submarine. We haul our kit down to the pallets near the water and start to kit up. In the water Clare demonstrates the pre-dive checks and once in the water we do bubble checks. This is just a dive to see where we are all at, Fin has a complete set of borrowed kit except his BP and Mark is in a new suit which he is very proud of and has only used his kit a couple of times. We arrive at one of the platforms and Clare demonstrates from fin kicks Mal is ever present as video bitch, they say the camera does lie and they are right it doesn’t. We move off the platform when an instructor and his students decide they want it. It’s about time to surface so we do and this wasn’t one of my better moments, I am feeling restricted in my harness but that’s just an excuse I still haven’t got used to doing horizontal ascents after 12 years of vertical ones I find this a difficult skill. So I hit the surface first and my team follow shortly afterwards.

Second dive becomes a blur and I am not enjoying myself at all, my head has gone – the doubts are back and frankly I could quite easily go home, I am glad I am travelling on my own as I don’t want to be around anyone else at the moment. Back at Edenvale and we have some more lectures followed by a quick change – at least I did not sure about anyone else and we head off for some food, Mal doesn’t drink but thank god Clare orders one so we can. A nice meal and chat and then back to the farm, Clare suggests the 3 of us sit down and work through some of the work study sheets but after about 15mins it becomes clear to me I can’t get my head round the questions and need some quiet time to do them on my own. I head off to my room and leave the boys to it, I set the alarm for 5.15am but don’t need it and set about my work study exercises.

Sunday was to spend more time in the farm yard doing some valve drills on land but we have put our sets in for fills and out kit is at Vobster, so we set off and do the drills in the car park which must look amusing to those who don’t know what you are doing, then it’s time to kit up again and we are back in the water for valve drills and “S” drills. I am not concerned about the valve drills I have been reaching for them on each time I have done this year, OK now I have a problem the harness has been reset and while I can reach them I can’t perform the drill, I become frustrated and Clare recognises this stops the drill and I just become more and more annoyed at myself. Mark and Fin are doing an “S” drill and I am supposed to be concentrating on them, I can’t and want out. I signal to Clare that I have to go to the surface, we do and we have a chat. I agree to descend and complete the dive – I am annoyed with myself, nothing new there then.

During lunch Clare takes me for a post dive brief, she knows how I feeling and said that I wasn’t doing too badly just need to sort my head and obviously complete the skills. The next dive I try again but this is almost as bad as the first time. I leave the water and decide to reset the harness, I know I can do it I just have to sort, myself out. It’s the last night so we go to the local pub where we decide on a name of Team Beef as 4 of us decide on a Sunday roast, unfortunately there aren’t enough Yorkshire puds left so I change my order.

Monday morning was pay up and pack up time from the B & B, we had over our exam papers and work sheets and Clare and Mal head off to mark them, while we prepare our dive, with SCR, min deco and all the other information we have learned from the course. We have to prepare our dive and establish team order, Fin decides he doesn’t want to be 2 so he goes 3 and Mark is number 1, we plan our dive using a 5 min faff J luckily on the previous days dives we have all used almost exactly the same amount of gas so the calculations of 20LPM and 30 for emergencies are easy.

We start the dives with the diver lift which is very difficult I am sure I would revert to type in a real emergency and do the face to face vertical one, yes I am sorry probably not what should be written here. We also practice a couple of things which need brushing up on and Mal takes me to one side for a valve drill, not quite as slick as it should be but I can do it, the one problem I do have is the set I am using has recently been O2 cleaned and I hadn’t noticed until last week that the isolator has been put back on the wrong side and has been offset to the left instead of the right – so I am not happy about this but do manage to shut everything down in the right order. Then I have to do is again for Clare and again it isn’t too bad, I get there eventually, we do “S” drills round the team and then set off for “our” dive. Fin is a bit of a wreck fan and hasn’t had his hands on any metal all weekend so we agree to go and find the aeroplane and have a look round, we set of Mark as number 1, me at 2 and Fin 3. Along the plane I loose Fin’s light and turn around, he isn’t there so I signal to Mark and he turns and we go back to find Fin apparently Clare has high jacked him round the other side, we set off again and Mark’s primary light “fails” so he switches to his backup and goes into number 2 spot. Mark is then hit with an OOG drill and Fin thumbs the dive, I deploy the bag we had scheduled in 5 mins of faff time and apparently we got from OOG to bag up in about 2 and a half minutes but spend more time on the ascent something I had been a little concerned about all weekend anyway we arrive on the surface together which was a first.

That’s it all over and we head back to the entry point to de-kit and a group post dive briefing, we then get our individual briefings and road plan. It has been the hardest few days I have ever put myself through, I was and frankly still am emotionally and mentally drained.

It was finally here, have I done the right thing in 4 days I would know the answer. I have been repeatedly told it’s only a diving course but I couldn’t help been very stressed about potentially failing. I have been very lucky over the last few months to dive with quite a few DIR trained divers and they all looked very much at ease in the water - then there is me I arranged a dive with Gareth (Gloc) the day before as I hadn’t been to Vobster before and just wanted a little orientation around to familiarize myself with the location and where things were. I had arranged to meet Gareth about 11am and at 10.45 pulled in to the car park, into the shop and signed up for membership as I would be able to take advantage of the privileged parking and reduced daily rate.

While I was completing the paper work Gareth arrived and we went back to the cars to kit up and chat, after about 2 hours we were ready to get in the water, Gareth took me through the DIR pre-dive checks and in the water we did a bubble check, at this point Gareth pointed out I had a problem with one of my first stages so we get back out and he retrieves Howard’s set from the car. Thanks Howard but I don’t like your mouthpiece.

Kit sorted and we set off to the right and follow the wall along to one of the platforms, we had already had a walk round earlier. Apart from seeing where things were I really wanted to deploy the smb with a spool, I have only used one once before so we tried that out. I was hoping to use a small Frog 3’ one and once Gareth had shown me his way by dropping the double ender through the ring (never seen that before) I gave it a go, doesn’t seem to be working as well as it had done at home we ascended to retrieve them and went back down for another go, this time Gareth got me to do both for a bit more practice we went back down and returned to the entry point where I did a couple more bags. Then it was out for a chat, the obligatory hot chocolate. Back in the water we went for a “fun dive” apparently Gareth doesn’t have many of these at the moment his team is also training for something, hopefully he wasn’t too embarrassed to be seen in the water with me and at the end of the dive I do a couple more deployments. We sort our kit out and I wait for my set to be filled and Gareth has to get off home, so we say goodbye and I head off to find the B & B Clare has been us all in to.

After a couple of satnav moments I finally arrive and pointed in the direction of my room. I settle in with a cuppa and since I left home at 6.15am I have a bit of a rest. Later there is a tentative knock on the door and it is Mark one of the other course candidates, so we do the intro bit and we have a chat about the course exam. We don’t know what time Fin is arriving but Mark is hungry and we go and find the pub for a drink and some food, the pub is busy for a Thursday night so we have a bit of a wait but get some in the end. An early night is required so we head off back to EdenVale and say goodnight.

Breakfast is arranged for 8am and there is still no sign of Fin, during a rather splendid breakfast Clare, Mal and Fin all arrive at the same time. We finish breakfast and the table is cleared, I go and get my course work and make sure I have the first of Clare’s chocolate supplies, you really need to get in with the instructor early.

Clare goes through the course timetable and we do some introductions about our diving history and why we are here it was at this point I was asked to recall the last dive I had enjoyed and frankly I can’t remember when that was, maybe that’s why I am here, Clare quickly moves on.

We have a full day of lectures, which are only split by sandwiches appearing and then being demolished. The afternoon passes all too quickly and at about 5pm we are heading off to the swimming pool for our swim tests and fining techniques. I think the swim test is the only part I am not too worried about as I have timed myself a couple of times, I was however a little concerned over the breathe hold swim as I am not the most streamlined and when I have tried it I seem to have bobbed up about half way down. Mark goes first he swims like a fish, then Fin goes and that leaves me, I take a few breaths and just go for it, Mal is in the water as a waypoint and I was relieved to see his legs get nearer, I surface at just the right place.

We retire to the pub for something to eat and I think the 3 of us are pleased Clare has a proper drink because we certainly need one. The karaoke gets underway and we leave soon afterwards. It isn’t that late but I think everyone retires to their rooms. Today wasn’t too bad, tomorrow will be quite different.

It has been nearly 2 months since I decided to do the GUE fundamentals course and it is nearly here, this time next week and I will be about half way through, if I haven’t already given up and gone home I have been trying to work through my kit wondering what I might need in the spares department just in case something goes wrong. I must have always been quite lucky people have described all sorts of things going “bang” and I don’t think I have had any major kit failures in the 13 years I have been diving but I know next weekend will be the day something goes “bang”.

Am I prepared for it - I don’t know but I decided to have a weekend off diving as Easter wasn’t the best trip I have had but then again it was Easter and it always seems to be the same. I have been preparing kit for a few days but today I realised I can’t find my Fourth Element Xerotherm trousers and I don’t know where they are, so planning has stuttered a little as I now had to find another pair and do the alterations on them before Wednesday, not the best preparation. I took my twinsets to be filled today but when I got there the compressor had been taken away for repair, hopefully it will be back on Monday and I can pick them up on Tuesday. Wednesday will be packing the car and I will be off first thing Thursday morning.

I am also a bit nervous about diving with 2/3rd of TFT on Thursday, I have read all their past reports and I just hope I am don’t look too much like a complete novice

This weekend I have been reading the course work we have been sent and I seem to be struggling with some of the minimum gas and gas management calculations, it is obvious my dives up until now have been based on “past dives” and nothing more. I haven’t thought about this before and I seem to be “out of my depth”, but they are simple calculations and I should be able to nail them. I am now frustrated before I even start the course.

I started to write this a couple of weeks ago, I wanted to put down as I went along why I have decided to do the GUE fundamentals course as I suspect a few people are going to ask why. I think my diving history is well documented so I am not going to repeat any of that, but just a quick note to mention that I have been diving 12 years and done about 650 dives.

However since late 2005 I have not enjoyed diving, I have gone diving but not really enjoyed it I know the reasons why but again I am not going to go into those. It wasn’t until I had the pleasure of buddying Mal Bridgeman on a trip to Cornwall in the summer of 2006, I looked at Mal during the dives and thought - god I am crap Mal wasn’t DIR at this time but dived in a DIR stylee, he was effortless and I was, not to put too finer point on it rubbish. During the weekend I suffered torch envy so when I returned home I was off to the dive shop for a bigger light, that was the first of many kit changes.

Mal and I had a long standing arrangement to buddy up again for a trip to the Farnes in the September, as I was going to be diving with Mal and knew I would have a good buddy I arranged to make some quite significant kit changes just to see what the difference might be, there has been much talk of bungeed v non bungeed wings for years so Mal said he would lend me a wing to try out. For those who don’t know I have been diving inverted twins for about 3 years which obviously wasn’t going to work with the wing and my hoses, so I suspect to much amusement of others on the trip I changed just about every piece of kit I could except the regs. Yes I know people will say the sea is not somewhere to try out kit changes, but I did give a few people a good laugh and talk of the dark side was covered over a few beers, my response was don’t be silly

The trip didn’t go quite to plan we only got 2 dives in as we were blown out on the Sunday, but Mal suspected I was over weighted and was good enough to arrange a day at Stoney the following month. Again I wrote about this at the time, taking 7kg off my weight belt was quite a shock but felt great. Over the next couple of months I was lucky enough to dive with some very experienced divers, Andy Woodside and Andy Carroll were very supportive and obviously Mal was still there with encouragement even though most of the time I didn’t think it was going to plan - what plan I don’t have one At this point I should mention Clare who was also giving encouragement from the sidelines, Mal was doing his GUEf course with Clare at the end of January with his friend Mike and Dianne (Madfish) and there was talk of me joining them but there was no way I was going to be doing that, after all I had only just started down this road and I had no idea where I was going.

I had a long phone chat with Clare on the way home from Capernwray one day, so long in fact I was home and I think we talked all the way. It was a this point I talked myself in to choosing a date but we agreed I didn’t have to commit until a planned weekend at the end of February, I would make a decision based on how much I had progressed over the last couple of months. The weekend didn’t go as well as I had planned and the targets I had set myself had not been achieved, I left the water in tears I hope nobody noticed. Mal and Dianne were there again telling me to just go for it, after all that is what the course is for - Clare would teach me the skills and I would try and show some progression during the course. I drove home feeling knackered and dejected, I went to work the following day not knowing what I was going to tell Clare, she wanted a decision - yes or no. I wrote an email and then left in it the drafts box until I plucked up the courage to send it, during the morning Clare posted that she had set up a new website and I sat trawling through the information when I came across an article, “Head games of Diving by B R Wienke, this one article changed my whole mindset. The decision was made, the date is April 20th.

I was back at Capernwray today diving with Andy and Paul, the last couple of days had been very windy and I wasn’t sure what the weather was going to be like. It was quite mild at home with little wind when I let so I was hopeful that the weather was going to be fine, during the drive up there were two showers which didn’t seem to last for long. I arrived and joined the short queue of cars waiting for the gates to open, once parked I headed up to the shop to wait for Andy who arrived shortly after me. We headed for the cafe to wait to see who else might turn up, we were joined by Paul who was waiting for someone else, Neil also arrived but was diving with Dave and Moz. Paul left to find his buddy only to come back a short time later as he had phoned and the guy he thought he was meeting, wasn’t going to show, so he would join us.

Andy and Paul were parked by the shop and I was near the service portacabin, so I left them and went to kit up. I waited by the car for what seemed like ages for them to arrive and then we were off to the water for our dive. We did a buddy check and then started the dive, once again we followed the road to the right past one of the horses which neither Paul or I spotted but Andy said was there, and then came to the wall which we decended towards a couple of car wrecks and a couple of the boats, we turned and came across the container which we all entered and exited. During the dive I was trying to reach my valves but I was still having problems with, which wasn’t a good sign, as I do need to be able to master this skill. We exited the water after about 40mins with a max depth of about 17m, dekitted and headed for the cafe and hot chocolate.

After a nice surface interval and a chat about diving we headed back out for our second dive, while I was waiting for them to come back down the wind picked up and it started to hail stone, it didn’t last long just long enough to feel like not getting back in the water. Off we went and followed about the same route, during the dive I had another go with the valves and found I could reach so I spent the dive constantly going back to the valves both left and right and centre isolator, the left is easier than the right but I found them consistantly each time I tried so this was a positive for the dive.

Towards the end of the dive I became a little buoyant probably due to adding a little too much air to my suit. Andy was heading down one of the shallower platforms and I followed him but as I got to the end I felt myself ascending, while I was trying to dump air from the suit I got hold of a shotline which was attached to one end of the platform to prevent myself from reaching the surface, I composed myself and settled back down on the plateform. Andy went through a valve drill and asked me if I wanted to do one, I declined as I was embarressed by my bout of faffing, which I regretted because up until then I had felt positive and was actually hoping Andy was going to stop and do one of the drills so I could have a go. Next time I won’t bottle it.

The last couple of months haven’t been good, the year ended with a sort of personal anniversary I never thought I would have to experience. I seem to be spiralling into an all time low with no light at the end of the tunnel but today was a good day, I went diving doesn’t sound much does it but it was like taking one of the best drugs you can get.

Andy posted for a buddy and I responded, so we met up at Capernwray this morning. I was first in the queue so that was a little embarressing, a minute or so later a queue of cars had assembled. While I waiting for the gates to open I used the time to put my kit together so I would be ready or at least almost ready for when Andy arrived. I had a hot chocolate and met Andy in the shop. I headed off to the car to kit up and Andy came down to meet me. Andy demonstrated his pre-dive checks and asked me to do the same. Not too bad so far, down we went and headed off along the road towards the horses, we passed these and continued past the Cessna and a boat don’t ask me which one I don’t know, towards the end of the dive Andy gave me a couple of signals I wasn’t familiar with and proceeded to do a S drill, I wasn’t sure what he wanted me to do but I got the message eventually after he was without a reg for longer than I should have left him. Sorry Andy. Out of the water and we headed for a surface interval hot chocolate.

We spent the interval chatting about diving and then headed back down for another dive, we did another check and then took a similar route to the first dive except we came across the “cave”, a couple of old cars and another smaller boat. On my previous couple of dives I was spooked by headed over the drop-off but today was fine, maybe it was just another day but maybe I was prepared for something to go wrong, it didn’t and we continued with the dive. On the far side of the quarry are another couple of platforms where we did a couple of finning exercises and I tried to reach my valves, I am still having problems with this but I am sure it will come in time. We then finned around to the entry/slip way in very shallow water to keep near the bottom. My diving is feeling better but I am not there yet, as to the other issue I hope to go diving again soon.